Notes to Self

July 10, 2012

Gullible again

I work in a poor city and basically at a hospital. There are a lot of homeless and/or poor people, a lot of violence, gangs and sickness. All screaming in your face all day long. The lack of respect for the fellow man is the loudest of all.

Today I was getting lunch at a food truck (a rarity for me) when we were approached by a woman. She appeared to be a man but was apparently pregnant. Her appearance was odd – strange outfit but clothes were not ragged and she had dread locks, which I hear cost a pretty penny. Her opening line was one that I heard once before “excuse me, I am not asking for money…”. She instead wanted us to buy her some food from the truck (anything she said as she clutched a few coins near her chest which made her appear humble and with great hope).

I thought about it briefly and then reached into a bag I was holding and pulled out a piece of the absolutely most delicious olive bread I have ever had (or that may exist) and handed it to her saying this is very delicious and is good for you too! She looked at it, shook her head and walked away. I kept saying “try it!”. I watched as she, and my previous bread walked away. I wondered if she would eat it. I wondered why she wasn’t. I wondered why I gave it to her. I wondered why I am such a foolish, gullible shit. I wanted my bread back (you can only get it once a week and you have to get there early!). I watched her tear it apart and throw it all around. I was pissed.

I wanted to chase after her and ask what did she really want, why did ask for it and why wasn’t my bread good enough if she was truly hungry.

I was afraid she (still not convinced it was a she) would become violent with me. I stood there feeling like a fool. Thinking of what I would say the next time.

I will think about this for at least the rest of the day. I will tell my husband about it, who will most likely respond with a “well what did you expect?” type comment and he will be right.

I keep thinking people aren’t all bad. That sometimes you just need to show kindness and respect and that not everyone is playing everyone else.

Evidently I am wrong. Again. People (at least this type of person) is always out to play everyone and isn’t looking for kindness or respect. I don’t know what they are looking for.

I am sad that I fell for the trick and sad that I lost my bread (which by the way I was sharing with MY child). But I am more sad that there are so many people out there that prey on people like me.

I want to believe in the best in people from the beginning and be proven wrong. But at what cost? And now how do I teach my child to not be so gullible and to stand up for herself (as I obviously cannot do)?

I don’t have these answers. Do you?

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